Level Up!

I just got promoted to Staff Artist! I had reasons to believe that it was going to take muuuuch longer, but on Wednesday I was completely surprised with this good fortune. So tonight is a night of craziness and celebration. Patch and I have been rocking out hard and are halfway through our bottle of Boone's Farm Melon Ball. Oh, yes.

We are technically in crunch right now, but work has been going very well. I think I may be getting the hang of this veeeedeo game thing. And now that I am a staff artist my plans for world domination are one step closer to fruition. Which reminds me...

You can't get quality fruit out here. I try to juice, but it is not the same without Henry's. Even Albertsons had better produce that the junk out here. Enjoy it, people... while you can.

Hey, i'm looking forward to seeing you boys and girls in a few weeks. It will be a crazy busy weekend that will fly by, but I can't wait.

Hardwood floors + cat = hilarity

Dude I was talking to at work said that his cat sprained it's leg slipping on a hardwood floor and had to go to the hospital. Patch has yet to beef it that bad, and until then, we'll enjoy her crazy misadventures.

You know how there are a million and one "hospital" drama shows on the tee-vee these days? Where all the doctors date each other and the camera makes the most mundane quadrupal amputation seem positively gripping? Well I think that they should make a pet hospital show with all the bells and whistles. It could be called "Vet Center: Trauma Unit."

Episode One: A Paw of Passion

Nurse: "Doctor, we've got an alley fight victim with multiple scratch-wounds and a fractured whisker!"
{Dramatic camera work shows them wheeling the patient inside to the doctor}
Doctor: "Oh.... my.... gawd."
{Doctor looks away, stifles a gag}
Nurse: "Doctor, what are we going to do?"
Doctor: "Well, if you hadn't slept with Danny the intern, things might be different.. But now... everything's changed.."
Nurse: "Dammit, James, I meant about the cat!"
Doctor: "Of course. Give me 50 CCs of tuna, stat."
{Camera goes crazy while nurse gives anguished look showing the depth of their relationship and showing that there is more going on here than just a casual operation. Doctor wipes sweat from his brow}
Doctor: "Now, support the tail and apply a paw massage to increase circulation."
Nurse: "Doctor, we're losing him!"
Doctor: "No, dammit. I won't let this happen!"
{Dramatic music rolls and we see the patient's breathing slow.. All of a sudden the music becomes sad leading us, the hypnotized audience, to the obvious conclusion that the patient must be dead.}
Doctor: "No, I won't let this happen again! Dammit all!"
{Doctor kicks a bag of kibble over in anger. Nurse gives him a pained look}
Nurse: "Oh, James... I'm sorry. You did everything you could."
Doctor: "No, you're right Melena. I didn't do everything I could. Maybe we can give it a second chance."
{A lone tear rolls down nurse's cheek. Music rises to crecendo as Doctor kisses nurse passionatly.We see Danny the intern roll the now unmoving and therefore unimportant patient off-screen. Nurse and Doctor hold hands and walk towards the door as the camera fades slowly back}
Doctor: "He would have wanted us to adopt kittens..."
Nurse: "Oh, James. You're a humanitarian."
{Fade to credits}

Next week! Episode Two: The Fur and the Feather